i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
