I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
