He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Randomize
