Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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