You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
