I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
