He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
