Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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