he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
