and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
