you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
