I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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