You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
