Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
