just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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