I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
how drunk are you?
Several
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
