you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
