I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
