It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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