as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
