Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is her dick bigger than yours?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
