The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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