weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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