God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
