i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
