i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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