Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
