Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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