I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
