my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
