So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
