We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
