Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
