that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
