So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
