Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
