First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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