i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
