ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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