i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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