i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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