Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
