just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
