HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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