I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
