How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
