He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
