We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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