He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Your cock deserves a montage
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
