it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
