This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
