I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
