ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
