Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
