But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
