I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
