i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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