I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
