make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
