Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
this just has baby written all over it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
