cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
