You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
