hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
