I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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