Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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