there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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