It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
