Cold hands, warm shart.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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