Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize