You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
