Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
People in love make me want to vomit
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
