First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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