this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
