Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
