I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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