Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Panties = found
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
