I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
