Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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