No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
