Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
