Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
