I think im going to throw up on grandma
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
