I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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