He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
