I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
