no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
