Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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