i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
