Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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