Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
