I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
